As baboons go, I’ve got the market cornered on being wide-spread and on non-finicky digestion. I’m willing to eat just about anything at any time or place. Got a spare antelope? Is it small? I can take that off your hands for you, too.

Who are you calling a hooligan? I’ll mellow with age, or so the old chaps tell me.

Pan troglodytes? How rude! You silly bipeds also call me the common chimpanzee as though we just ran about like squirrels (or koalas, if you’re in that part of the world). I am endangered, you realize.

I live to be 50 years old, so many of the chimpanzees you see may be older than the internet. What say you to that, eh old chap? I use tools (which are different from group to group) and can adapt my tool preference based on social and environmental cues. You and I share 98% of our DNA.

This lemur will not demur! Colloquially, I am called the black-and-white ruffled lemur, but those with latin on their brains have granted me the name Varecia variegata. I hail from Madagascar, since you’re asking questions.

Pass that fruit, will you, and if you don’t have any of that flowers will do. I can live to the ripe old age of 36 (in captivity), and have three subspecies. I am considered critically endangered, but I ook like a sir.

Gray? These shanks are not dull, they are illustrious! Calling me a gray shanked douc langur may be de rigueur, but my civilized name is Pygathrix cinerea. I am estimated to be one of 550 to 700 like myself, which makes me critically endangered. I live in the Vietnam Provinces of Quang Nam, Guang Nagai, Binh Dinh, Kon Tum, and Gai Lai.

I ook like a sir.